Fullmetal Alchemist meets The Land of Xanth!
by Failure007
Summary: What happens when the characters we've grown to love are zapped from their world of science & alchemy to a world of magic & madness? The magical, yet messed up Land of Xanth!
1. Chapter 1

* * *

Edward Elric groggily opened his eyes after what felt like a **very** long siesta. He'd been sleeping on his back with his coat as a pillow, he yawned and stared at the ceiling. Well, what was supposed to be the ceiling. He was supposed to be on his bed, in his room at central, so why was he staring at blue skies with a few cirrus clouds? After a few minutes he was certain that he wasn't still half asleep but still need to solve the mystery of the missing ceiling.

_Chanty must have done something._ Edward thought. _Oh boy, he's gonna get it!_

Only one problem, when he sat up he was greeted with an open field.

_Where am I?_

Confused Ed looked around. To his right Chanticleer, The Dawn alchemist lay curled up around his younger brother, Brody, both still asleep a few feet away from him. To his left the twins, Luke and Lucus had somehow managed to tangle themselves up with one another, making themselves look like two balls of yarn after a playful kitten got hold of them. The way Luke's arm was bent did not look comfortable at all. A few more feet away from the tangle twins lay Chanty's girlfriend, Annie the Macaw. And beyond her lay their latest friend, Einon, who could spit up precious jewels jut by talking. All of them were asleep.

"All of you! Wake up! Where are we!? AL! You there, Al?"

"Brother, calm down. I'm right here." Al emerged from grove of trees not to far behind Edward.

"Al! Do you know where we are?"

"Not a clue."

"Will you two hush? A lady needs her beauty sleep ya know."

"Annie! Wake up."

The talking/yelling was getting Chanty, Brody and Einon to stir and the twins woke up. They got one look at each other and how close they'd been sleeping and jumped away from one another with a speed only a cartoon could achieve.

"What are you doing so close to me!?!?" the two yelled at the same time.

"I love you as my brother but don't **_ever_** snuzzle me like that when I'm sleeping!"

"**_Me_** snuzzle? I outgrew the snuzzling stuff years ago. _You're_ the one that got close to _me_!"

"Over my dead body I did!"

"Oh shut up both of you." Brody yawned and stretched. The stretch I might add was rather quick so he bopped his brother in the chin. "Sorry."

"_Sure_ ya are."

"Will you all pay attention!" Ed barked.

"Hey, where are we?" Einon asked looking around. He picked up the rose quartz that fell from his mouth and put it in his pocket.

Edward sunk to the ground. "That's what I've been trying you! Where are we and how did we get here?"

"If they weren't with us I'd blame the twins for pulling a prank." Al said. "Maybe if we start looking around we'll find some kind of familiar landmark that will tell us which way to go in order to get home."

Everyone was in mutual agreement to get going but which way to go first? On one hand there was an open field, not much to see that way besides grass and it stretched for two miles at the least. On the other hand there was a forest where you could risk getting lost. The motion for the forest won with the thought that if they did feel as though they were going in circles just climb a tree, get your bearings and continue.

"I'd still like to know how we got here. How could someone have gotten the eight of us here without waking us up?" Brody asked.

"Hey, Al." Ed turned around to face his brother. "You don't need sleep so no one could've snuck anything past you, how'd _you_ get here?"

"It was really strange," Al explained. One minute I was sitting on my bed at Central, you were asleep on your bed, the room was dark then, POOF! I was sitting on the ground, the twins were behind me, Annie behind them, Einon behind her, you in front of me and Chanty and Brody behind you. I walked around a ways to see if I could find anything, about that time you called for me."

"But that's impossible. There's no way someone can be transported from one destination to another in less than a blink of an eye." The Fullmetal argued.

"I'm just saying it as I saw it, I have no idea _how_ it happened."

The quest for answers continued for twenty minutes before everyone (excluding Chanticleer and Brody) was being driven mad by the twins telling stupid knock-knock jokes.

"Will the two of you just shut up!" Annie screamed at them.

"Ok ok! We may be stupid but we ain't deaf."

"Mew?"

"KITTY!" Al flipped and with extensive effort looked for the source of the mew-ing. He pulled back some grass and heard it again, louder, like it was right by his head. Al turned and jumped.

It looked like a very furry worm on the grass near his hand, but it had a cat's head.

"Mew."

"Oh it's so cute!" Annie giggled.

"What is it? Besides weird."

To the surprise of everyone else Luke and Lucus were laughing.

"What's so funny?" The Dawn asked, getting a better look at the bizarre critter.

"It's a _cat_-apillar!"

"Mew!"

"But unless that's a chimera of some kind there's no way it can be real." Ed declared, baffled.

"What do you mean it can't be real? It's right in front of you." Brody said.

"I don't know about you guys, but I've got a feeling that the weirdest is yet to come." Lucus said after they'd gotten over his laugh from the cat-apillar.

"Where'd you get that line from? A bumper sticker?" Luke teased.

"No, seriously. I think this isn't the last of weird things we're gonna find…or have find us."

"You are dead serious aren't you?" Luke raised an eyebrow.

"You bet, brotha."

"Not good." Chanty said.

"What's not good, hon." Annie asked him, a little worried with the look he had.

"Although it's very rare whenever Lucus can get his mind back to reality and has a 'feeling' about something he tends to be right. So if he says we're likely to run into more things even crazier than a cat-apillar you'd better keep your eyes peeled."

"Oh come on. How could he possibly pick up a 'vibe from the universe' so to say as to know what-"

A strange rumble cut him off…a strange rumble that was getting louder.

"If anything bad happens to us," Einon began. "I motion to blame Ed for opening his fat yap."

* * *

Me – Heehee. This is going to be so much fun!

Chibi me- what do ya plan on doing? Huh! Huh!

Me – You'll find out. But true to Lucus's gut feeling there will be more bizarre encounter with other bizarre creatures. I thought some of the puns in this book series were hilarious so I figured I'd just make a fanfic out of it. (rubs hands together in an evil fashion) this is going to be great!

p.s. If you don't know who any of the characters are except the Elric brothers read my previous stories, that will fill you in


	2. Chapter 2

Everyone stood still and strained their ears, trying to get a general idea of where the ever-growing-louder rumble sound was coming from. But it was no longer just a rumble, trees could be heard snapping and crashing to the ground. The one making the racket had to be **REALLY** big in order to make trees fall so quickly.

"What are we gonna do! Just stand here?" Annie cried.

"Well where do you propose we go?" Ed responded in a similar tone. "We're not going to risk getting separated in these woods so lets just stay close together, hope the thing doesn't come our way and if it does we hope it isn't interested."

"And if it IS interested." Al whimpered, getting an excessive amount of anime sweat drops falling down the sides of his head.

Ed grinned. "We take it out."

The rumbling and crashing continued to approach them, its course unaltered. Brody grabbed on to his brother once they could see the trees falling. Chanty put an arm around him, positioning his feet in preparation for a fight if necessary. The group could see the figure of something huge plundering its way through the forest, straight at them.

"What do you think it could be?" Luke asked. Hoping someone could come up with something enormous yet fairly harmless.

"A giant man eating chimera?"

"That doesn't help much."

"An over enlarged humonculus?"

"That isn't helping either!"

"Maybe it's-"

CRASH!!!

"A really big cat."

"THAT DOESN'T- What?"

Standing not too far away a thirty-foot cat with a long skinny neck (like a swan's) paused to stare at them. It was clearly surprised to see anyone around. They all gaped at it, mouths open and little black dots for eyes.

"No Al." Edward said slowly. "You can't keep it."

The giant cat thing looked at him, his talking had nabbed its attention. Ever so calmly it took another step forward before lying on its back. Between it's back feet was a…um….it looked like a long segment of rubber. It raised its back legs, grabbed the rubber dealy with its front paws and pulled it to its' chest.

Ed turned around so his back was to the cat to face his friends. "What the heck is this thing doing? HEY! What's going on!?!?" The cat had extended its neck and picked him up by the back of his coat with its mouth. "What are you doing! Put me down!"

Ever so gently the cat placed Edward in the center of the rubber stretch thing.

"I meant on the ground! Put me dooooooown!"

The giant cat let go of the band and sent the Fullmetal flying.

"ED!!"

"Brother!"

"Hahahahaha!!"

"WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT!" Al yelled at Luke. "My brother just got flung into the outreaches of nothingness and you're _laughing_!"

"It's not that." Luke tried to say with a straight face. "The thing's a _cat_-apult."

The cat-apult picked up each one of them in turn and flung them off in the same direction as it did Edward. The trip from point A to point B was actually quite exhilarating and fun. It was the landing no one thought of until they could see the ground getting closer, and closer….CRASH!

Actually there was no crash. It was as though before each person was near to the ground something caught them.

"What's going on? Why am I not touching the ground?"

"Why are we going back and forth?"

"YES I AM ALL RIGHT!" Ed yelled. "Thank you so much for asking though, you're such great friends." he said with a mix of politeness and sarcasm.

"This is so weird." Brody said, trying to find something to hold on to. "When I go forward if feel great, when I go back I feel terrible. Great…terrible. Great…terrible."

Everyone was suffering from the same mysterious symptoms. Ed was going between enraged and over polite, Annie switched between depressed to preppy, Al grumpy to happy, Luke smart to stupid (but no one could tell the difference), Lucus giggly to bawling, Einon sad to overjoyed, Brody great or terrible and Chanty was content or sleepy.

"What the heck is this?" Chanticleer yawned.

"It doesn't really matter." Annie said glumly. "We'll probably never get out of it."

"(sniff) It's a, (sniff) its- Hahaha! (snicker) A _mood swing_!"

"But how do we get out?" Einon asked with a smile. It didn't last, going backwards made him sad. "I don't wanna be stuck here forever." He pouted.

"It would be my suggestion that we wait for a forward swing and – Jump! Lets jump like a bunch of drunk morons off this – while swinging in this pendulum like fashion our potential energy would be the strongest at the onward swing, that means we – jump when this invisi-swing goes forward!" Luke screamed, going between sounding like he knew what he was saying and total foolishness.

"You think we can jump? That sounds like a wonderful idea- WHY NOT JUST SAY THAT TO BEGIN WITH YOU MORON!" Ed said cheerfully then screamed.

"Ok then, wait until the forward swing then, (yawn) try to jump off with all (yaaaawn) your worth." Chanty said.

One…two…three, they jumped. To their great surprise it worked. They were flung forward and gravity worked normally this time. Their moods were set back to normal so every one was happy right?

WRONG!

They landed in a pool of plant covered water so when the surfaced they had tiny green leaves all over them that looked like chicken pox gone wrong. All around them large bubbles appeared and before it popped it asked a question.

"Who are you!"

"What are you doing here!"

"Why are you here!"

Pop, pop, pop.

"What in the world do you think those were?" Einon asked. Out popped an amethyst. He caught it and went to put it in his pocket but something was already in it.

Croak!

"Yeeaw!" he jumped as a large frog with horns swam out of his pocket. "What in the world was that?"

"A bullfrog." Brody said.

"I don't know about you," Lucus said, getting out of the water and helping his brother get the plants out of his hair. "But I think those bubbles were pop quizzes."

"This place is crazy." Edward announced feeling the stress of being in a place that was severely severing all former bonds he'd know with reality. "The next thing we find that is obviously human we ask how to get the heck out of here!"

Nobody argued, this weird place was making all of them feel the same. As they continued through the forest of mystery they began to feel strange, like their connection to reality was becoming unfocused, or maybe it was just in their head. Edward and the twins on the other hand felt better and better the longer they were in these woods.

"Ya know." Luke and Lucus sad in unison.

"This may sound really strange but,"

"I feel like I've got an IQ of above 200."

"Hey! Me too!" Ed chimed.

"Well that's nice to hear." Annie said with sarcasm. "I don't know if the humidity is playing a part but my brain feels all foggy."

"It must be all in your head because there is no humidity." Luke said.

"I don't think I've ever been able to think clearer in my life." Lucus said.

"And I don't feel like making a stupid comment about thinking being dangerous." Luke responded.

"I feel strangely tolerant of you two." Ed said calmly.

"What the heck is wrong with you three?" Brody asked appalled.

"Mine."

"What?"

"Mine."

"Who's saying 'mine'?"

"Mine!"

Another something was making its way in their direction, squeaking 'mine' and crunching on twigs and such as it walked on.

* * *

Chibi me- Shouldn't you do a disclaimer for this story? Sure, everyone knows that obviously you didn't create Fullmetal Alchemist so none of the characters belong to you, but The Land of Xanth doesn't either.

Me- you pretty much summed it up right there.

Chibi me- oh yeah! I kinda did!

Me- Next up, the group is going to find out what the thing saying 'Mine!' is and will meet someone who can tell them where they are.

Chibi me- wouldn't it be fun to go to Xanth and get a mmmm Mmmm!

Me – (covers her mouth) Shh!


	3. Chapter 3

"Mine!"

Edward quickly transmuted his arm and Chanty transmuted a nearby branch into a lethal looking spear.

"Mine." Marching out of the bushes was a metal ball with legs and beady eyes. It stared at them for a second before continuing its walk and rummaging through the grass for anything interesting.

"And you are a _what_?" Einon asked it as it went by him. The ball looked up in time to see a jewel fall from his mouth. Its beady eyes got really big and it lunged for him. Immediately it the ball sprouted more legs and ran off, with Einon in its grasp.

"Hey! Put him down!" Al yelled after it.

"Let go of me!"

"I'll give you one warning…sphere. Put him down _or else_!" Chanticleer yelled as well, running after it.

"Mine!"

"No he's not!"

The ball ignored them all and kept running. Even when it skidded to a stop to pick up the jewels Einon left when he yelled at it the others weren't able to catch up until the ball went down the hole to its den.

"Somebody go down there and get him out!" Al cried.

"Brody!" Luke said. "You should fit, go help him out!"

"And if that thing decides to get violent what do I do!"

"Somebody get down here and help me!!! OW! QUIT IT!"

"Oh fine I'll do it!" Ed pushed past Chanty and the twins. He did this gritting his teeth because he knew he was silently calling himself small. He jumped down the hole, and landed on the ball.

"Mine!" it said startled, then exploded. Coins, jewels and all sorts of little trinkets it had collected flew everywhere, along with Ed…and everyone else for that matter.

Most everyone was simply thrown backwards and landed on the ground. Al and Lucus hit trees, Ed ended up IN one and Chanty fell into a patch of tulips. That wouldn't have been so bad if they would've stopped kissing him wherever they could get their lips.

"I'M GETTING VIOLATED BY A PLANT!!! KEEP YOUR LIPS TO YOURSELVES!"

They all wilted with disappointment. After checking themselves to be sure they were injury free (and once someone helped Ed get unstuck from the tree) the seven of them knelt beside the hole left by the metal ball.

"Einon! Einon, you ok?" Annie pushed away some dirt trying to find him.

"Yeah I'm, (cough) I'm fine."

The blast hadn't hurt him any. The only injuries he had were from jewels and other objects causing minor cuts on his face.

"I probably shouldn't be asking but does any one know what that was?"

"It was a mine." Lucus said. "Didn't you hear it yelling 'Mine!'"

"That would explain why it blew up when Ed stepped on it." Chanty said. Still smearing off kisses from the two-lips and doing a few full body shivers.

"Einon," Al asked. "When you yelled at the mine to 'quit it' what was it doing?"

"Oh, that. It saw the jewels coming from my mouth so it was pretty much jamming its legs down my throat trying to find more."

* * *

A half hour, maybe more had past and the feeling of walking in circles was burning strong. Ed and the twins felt more sane and intelligent all the time while everyone else felt like their heads were all swimmy. The new know-it-alls were seriously begging to worry; by the way things were looking they would be escorting a group of vegetables before this was over.

As they walked past a bizarre tree full of Frisbees Chanty had to cover Brody's ears because they were swearing loudly. It took a minute to realize why but it was agreed that they each must have been a disk-cuss.

"Since when to mushrooms and irises grow together?" Einon said slowly, his hands to his head as though he had a bad headache.

"Ever since I buried Mundane money around the yard in jars." A new voice explained. "And irises sprout where ever my wife goes."

"Who said that?" Annie said, as though she didn't care either way.

"I did." A man came from behind a house almost hidden within the trees. He looked the group over. "You're not from Xanth are you?"

"We're not from _where_?" Al asked politely yet bewildered.

"Apparently not."

"Wait a minute, where are we?" Brody asked.

"The Land of Xanth. Since you don't even know of it I can only guess that you're a Mundanian."

"Hey! That sounds like an insult, bud!" Lucus tensed the muscles in his arms.

"It's not meant to be insultive at all." The stranger said. "It simply means you're from the land that we call Mundane. So named because unlike here there is no magic so it is highly mundane to us. Usually people from there have only heard of Xanth in fairy tales but don't believe it exists, but once an a while an unsuspecting soul will stumble upon a portal or something that brings them here."

"There's no such thing as magic." Ed said flatly.

The man shrugged. "Seeing is believing so I suppose you're mind will be changed in no time."

Before Ed could say anything Chanty nearly collapsed on him when trying to bend over to transmute something on the ground. The nearest item was a mushroom so it squished a bit when he sat on it but his mind was on its way to the twilight zone so he didn't care.

"Hmm. It seems your friends are suffering from some of the later effects of the Madness."

"Madness?" Luke asked.

"We're in what's known as the Region of Madness. Put simply, anything sane that is in the madness too long will become insane and anything insane will become sane. All sorts of things have gone loopy from getting stuck here, that's what makes it dangerous."

"Becomes insane!" Al panicked. "You mean they're gonna be stuck like this!" he turned to Brody and the others who looked like they'd been eating too many donuts judging by the way their eyes were glazing over.

"No, they'll go back to normal once they're out of the Madness."

"(phew) So how do we get out of here and who are you?"

"Oh I'm sorry, I'm Richard. My wife Janet is around here somewhere. We can escort you out of the madness and help you settle in."

"Settle in!?" Ed and the twins yelped at once.

"But we can't stay here! We've got to get back home!"

Richard shook his head. "It is very rare to find magic strong enough to reverse getting from where ever you came from, it somehow can't be the Mundania I know because you're friend seems to have a magic talent." He looked at Chanty still on the mushroom seat. "If you insist on searching for a way to get out of Xanth then my wife and I will still get you out of the Madness…"

"Magic talent? He was using alchemy."

Richard ignored him. "There are several rules that are a must to know in order to get by here. Know that magic is everywhere so things may be a little strange to begin with. Not everything is as it seems so be careful. Many things that seem ordinary often have abilities you would have never thought possible so keep that in mind if anything bizarre happens."

"So basically expect the unexpected?" Al asked.

"Exactly."

"Who are you talking to, dear?"

Richard's wife Janet came outside and he explained what had happened to the group.

"Oh we'd be happy to get you out of the Madness." She said. "But we'd better do it fast." She glanced at the rest who looked like they were sleeping standing up. "This is one of the last steps of madness. They'll go completely insane if they're in here much longer, at that point it will take a long time for them to return to normal."

* * *

Chibi me – wait a minute…you said that anyone sane that goes into the Region of Madness would become insane right?

Me – aye

Chibi me – And anyone insane will become sane?

Me – yep.

Chibi me – And…you said that Ed was acting as though he was one of the smartest people alive?

Me – something like that.

Chibi me – (GASP!) You were calling him insane weren't you!?

Me –(twiddles thumbs) Maaaaaaaybe.

Chibi me – I suppose that your friend Empty Heart wouldn't like the Region at all would she?

Me – not in the slightest. She prides herself in being insane.

Empty Heart- (appears out of nowhere and puffs up with pride)

Together – WHERE DID YOU COME FROM!!

Empty Heart- (snicker) Chicken potpie!

Me – see what I mean? Insane….


	4. Chapter 4

* * *

Me - Excuse me readers for a moment please. If you're enjoying what you're reading in this story please let me know. This is my first time doing a crossover and i'd like to know if people like it enough to continue or if i'm just wasting my time. that is all...

* * *

"With a guide it didn't take more than ten minutes to get out of the Madness. Ed confidently insisted that they'd be all right on their own when Richard asked them again if they wanted help settling in.

"I'm more than sure we'll find some way to get home." Edward told him.

Richard shrugged. "I suppose there's always that chance." He said. "Most of the folk in Xanth are friendly and I'm sure they'll understand that you're not from around here, you should have no trouble getting help of you find you need it."

"Thank you very much," Al said. "We'll never forget you for your help."

Those who could waved good-bye and watched Richard and his wife retreat back into the Madness.

"I'd like to know how they could live in that place without going insane." Luke thought out loud. "They seemed pretty ok in the head to me."

"Maybe there were loco before going into the Madness so now they're all right." Lucus suggested.

What Janet told them proved to be true, after maybe an hour of traveling Chanty and the others were completely cured of all madness. Ed and the twins on the other hand returned to normal.

"So where to next?" Brody asked, looking around.

"Hey, isn't this the same field we started in?"

"I think she's right." Einon agreed.

"Why does progress work so slowly?" Edward groaned and fell in a heap in the grass.

"Oh get off yer duff and lets get going." Chanty nudged him in the back with his foot. "Progress is going to work even slower if you're sitting down."

The first day was nothing but walking and finding no one. The only ting truly eventful was when Ed tripped over a block that had WRITERS written across it.

"I'm tired." The twins chorused. "And hungry."

"Up ahead there's a grove of trees, we can rest in the shade once we get there." Einon motioned.

All Luke and Lucus needed was to see was the trees from a distance and they took off like cheetahs. By the time the remaining six got there they expected the two to be fast asleep leaning against each others backs. Instead they were standing, staring up into the trees.

"I thought you were tired and hungry." Chanticleer teased.

"We are." They said. "But look at that." Together they pointed at the trees.

Hanging from each limb, no different than a pear or an apple hung a pie. Each tree had different types but each branch held a bundle of pies just waiting to be picked.

"I must have died." Annie said dreamily. "This is my idea of Heaven."

Instantly life was sparked back into the travelers. No different than if they were toddlers picking flowers the teens were picking pies at their leisure. On the lower branches of one tree grew lemon pies that no one touched. Brody got himself comfortable with a strawberry pie (the crust that was shaped like a large strawberry and the berry filing was inside once you opened it.)

Similar to the strawberry pie the apple pie Einon was after was also shaped like an apple. Pies shaped like mini cauldrons sprouted from a large bush. Nobody could guess what they were until Ed broke one open and gave it a sniff.

"It's a potpie…very hot too." Each pot had a different filling so Ed sat next to a hedge to experiment with the different types. They were all exceptionally good. (once you broke it open and let it cool off) He felt uncomfortable eating a chicken potpie after glancing at Chanticleer but he was too hungry to ask questions.

"A little to the left!! My left! That's perfect. Forward a little. TAKE IT EASY!"

By creating a three-man tower Chanty and the twins stacked up to try and grab the chocolate pies in the high branches. Because he lost rock-paper-scissors Chanticleer was at the bottom, supporting the bozo brothers. So Luke was giving directions from the top…while trying to snag a pie _and_ keep his balance. Lucus had forgotten how heavy his twin actually was and he too was trying to keep his balance…why keeping a tight grip on Luke's calves and praying Chanty wouldn't loosen the grip he had on his legs. The last thing he wanted was to be sandwiched between Chanty and Luke. Chanty on the other hand had forgotten how heavy either of them were until they were stacked on his shoulders and the last thing _he_ wanted was to be at the bottom of a pile up.

"Ohhh! Chanty, you're so strong." Annie cooed.

_I hope she doesn't see my knees shaking. I'm not used to supporting the weight of a pair of moose_.

"LOOK OUT BELOW!"

A pie slipped from Luke's grasp and it was making a perfectly vertical drop…chocolate and cream side down…toward Annie. Luke was absolutely horrified, scared that she would blame him for the cream in her hair. Lucus was still trying to process what had just happened, Chanty on the other hand nearly dropped the two of them. It probably wasn't the proper boyfriend thing but he was almost to the point of falling over with his belly laughing.

Annie didn't react at all at first. She too needed to process what hit her and who did it. At first she felt like driving Luke into a tree like a nail but then heard Chanticleer's hysterical laughter.

Annie kept a calm expression as she planned the perfect revenge for his amusement. She took a handful of cream and chocolate from her hair and switched her gaze between her hand and her boyfriend. It took a minute but Chanty caught on to what she was planning to do.

"Whoa! No, no! Don't you dare!"

Too bad she _did_ dare. With a quick stride Annie approached him with her hand extended, the one covered in pie. With an equally quick stride Chanty retreated from the assault, more concerned with his own safety than that of those above him. As he went back, the twins swayed forward. Luke was fortunate enough to grab a branch to prevent landing on either of them…ok it wasn't so fortunate; he was still pretty high up. Because of some struggling between Lucus and Chanty while trying to avoid getting pie matter in his face and trying not to fall Chanty ended up on his back with Lucus's backend wedged into his gut. That folks is enough to knock the wind out of anybody.

After Lucus got off of him and the Dawn was able to breathe again a pie war broke out. (similar to throwing snowballs but twice as much fun.)

"Mmmm. That was fun." Einon sighed.

"I still have a hard time believing that pies can grow from trees but it filled me up so I don't care." The Fullmetal said, licking whipped cream off his fingers.

The war lasted a good half hour and everyone was a mess by the end of it. They made good use out of the lemon pies as ammo since no one would eat them. The key lime pies no one ate either. The limes were **_way_** too overripe (Brody took a bite as a dare (issued by the twins go figure) and puckered up badly) but in case of emergency Annie picked out most of the keys and pocketed them anyway.

* * *

Me- One thing I don't like about doing a book crossover is that I need to use a lot of things almost directly from the book. Many parts make the new story fun but sometimes it's hard to change some things **_just_** enough so it's not plagiarism.

Chibi me – You already said all things used from that dudes' books don't belong to you. You already gave all the credit to Peirs Anthony so what do you have to worry about?

Me – I guess nothing but-

Chibi me – no 'buts' about it. you don't own the Land of Xanth books, this will be the third time it's been mentioned that Peirs Anthony owns the book and all the craziness it contains so just chill!


	5. Chapter 5

No water source was found so it as very difficult to get the pie filing off their clothes. The easiest way to get it off was to eat it off but nobody liked lemon pie and that was all they used. The boys had no trouble just taking their shirts off and shaking the lemon grossness off but Annie was clearly not going to do the same. Either way the lot of them still smelled of sickly lemon.

"What a mess." A new voice said. "I wonder who could have done-oh!"

A young girl rounded a tree, coming nearly face to face with Al.

"Hello." He said. "Are you lost too?"

"Oh no." the girl said. "I was just looking for something to eat so I had my cat, Sammy look for this grove of pie trees." She nodded to a medium sized cat at her side. Al's eyes immediately lit up and little pink hearts popped around his head.

"What do you mean you had your _cat_ find this place?" Einon asked.

"That's Sammy's magic talent, he can find anything but home. It would appear that you've got one too." she said, noting the sapphire he spit up.

"A _what_?" Edward asked.

The girl looked around at the group. "How could you not know what a magic talent is if you have one?"

"I don't have any magic. I spit up gems because of a combination of human torture and alchemy."

She gave the group one more look over. "You're not from Xanth are you?"

"Nope."

She nodded, understanding now their clueless-ness about magic talents.

"Everyone native to Xanth has a magic talent, no two are the same. Take Prince Dolph for example, he can assume the form of any living thing he desires. Others can grow plants, see in darkness, summon animals, all sorts of things. Oh, pardon me for being rude, I'm Jenny Elf."

"I'm Edward Elric and this is my younger brother." He pointed at Al. He wasn't sure what to make of her calling herself an Elf but decided to hold his tongue.

"I'm Annie."

"Einon."

"We're Luke and Lucus." The twins said together with their arms around each others shoulders.

"I'm Chanticleer and this is Brody."

"It's a pleasure to meet all of you. Now if you don't mind my asking, why are you covered in pie?"

The twins snickered. "We were hurling them at each other for fun."

"Oh, so you were the ones who made the mess."

"That's not a bad thing is it?"

"No, not at all. If you don't mind me getting something to eat myself I'll take you to a place where you can get cleaned up."

"That would be wonderful!" Annie exclaimed. "The pie war was fun but now I feel disgusting.

* * *

Jenny's home was a little cramped for the tall ones like Chanty and Al (no kidding because it was built to house an elf) but Brody and Edward found no trouble at all. Annie took _forever_ in the bathroom, forcing the men to be stuck feeling gross and sticky for another half hour. By the time she got out all the hot water had been used up.

"I hope my bathtub wasn't too small for you." Jenny commented

"Oh no, it was just fine." Annie said, drying her hair.

While the boys each took their turn she and Jenny chatted about girly stuff but Annie did manage to bring their conversation around to the groups problem, how to get back home.

"You have no idea how you came into Xanth at all?"

"None. We woke up in a field. And I know for a fact no one back home would be able to do something like this."

"Why not?"

"Well, um. Alchemy is our substitute for magic but I thought it could only change something from one form to another. Not transport beings from seemingly one dimension to another."

Jenny nodded. "I see. Hmmm." She thought for a minute. "I _think_ I know a way for you guys to get home."

The silence was deafening. Lucus came out of the bathroom putting his shirt on and was greeted with the irritating sound of no noise and everybody's eyes really big.

"What did I miss?" he asked slowly.

That put some life back into the stunned friends.

"Jenny thinks there's hope for us getting home!" Luke yelped.

"SERIOUSLY!?"

"Lay it on us," Edward almost demanded. "What's the plan?"

Jenny was a little shocked at the aggressive approaches to her idea. "Well, it worked for me before so I don't see why it wouldn't work now but,"

She took a deep breath before thoroughly explaining what she had in mind.

She knew of a man called Arnolde Centaur. (Ed, still with his mindset stuck on nothing-that-can't-be-explained-by-science/alchemy-can-be-real found the idea of the existence of a _centaur_ absurd but didn't say anything.) For being a centaur he was a magician, which in the centaur race if you were found to have a magic talent you were immediately exiled. But he could create something called an aisle of magic that could reach from Xanth to Mundania. Once you got off the aisle and Arnolde went back to Xanth you'd be stuck there so it would be the perfect drop off. The only drawback was she wasn't sure if he could reach _their_ homeland with the aisle. Jenny had been taken on a trip on the aisle to Mundania but it wasn't anything like what her new friends had described.

"It's worth a shot either way!" Brody exclaimed.

"This guy doesn't expect payment does he?" Luke asked. "We'd be in quite the scramble if he did since we don't have anything."

"That's not completely true." Einon said, catching a yellow emerald. "I'd just have to jibber for a while."

"I don't think that will be necessary." Jenny said. "Arnolde's really nice and I don't think he'll object at all to take you guys through the Interface and-"

"The what?"

"The Interface, it confines all magic _within_ Xanth and keeps most Mundanes _out_ of Xanth. Without it Mundania would be flooded with uncontrolled magic and Xanth would be flooded by hoards of Mundanes!"

"That makes sense." Annie said. "This place seems to be well organized."

"So when do we leave?"

"Where does this guy live?"

"We can leave anytime, well. Maybe after we get in touch with an old friend of mine. Her name is Demoness Mentia and can unbelievably helpful even though she's slightly crazy. Sammy can help us by finding Arnolde then we can-"

"Wait a minute." Chanty interrupted. "If Sammy can find this guy why do we need someone else to help?"

"Where we're going Mentia is probably the best to travel with. Arnolde lives in the Region of Madness so she's the perfect guide since she becomes more sane the longer she's in…" Jenny looked around at the group. "What's the matter?"

Everyone's expressions had gone sour.

"We've gotta go **_back_** to that crazy place?!"

"You've been there already?"

"Yeah," Al explained. "We just got _out_ with the help of Richard and his wife."

* * *

Me – oh goody. Back to the Region of Madness…what fun. Oh well, better them than me!

Chibi me – that's mean you know that!

Me – don't be giving me any lip either or I'll chuck you into the Region and see how long you last. No, that wouldn't work, she'd probably have Einstein scratchin' his head if she's in there too long.

Chibi me – ARE YOU CALLING ME CRAZY!!!

Me- what are you going to do about it if I am?

Chibi me – grrrr! (knows she cant do anything)


	6. Chapter 6

With great reluctance the group set out in search of the Demoness Mentia. It wasn't the search for this woman that they dreaded, it was after they found her it would be straight back to the Madness.

Only one problem…

Sammy was having a bit of trouble finding Mentia. He would start out going in one direction, pause, then turn around and hurry off the other way.

"Are you sure your cat's not a little rusty?" Edward asked Jenny.

"Of course he's not!" Jenny snapped. Then, after a moments thought she slapped herself on her forehead with the palm of her hand. "Why didn't I think of this before!" She scolded herself. "Being a demoness, Mentia can instantly pop off from one location to another. Sammy is having trouble because she's not staying in one place long enough for him to catch up."

"She can jump across great distances just by wishing to?" the twins asked in unison. They looked at each other grinning.

"That sounds awesome!"

"You'd never have to buy another train ticket in your life!"

They turned to Jenny. "Any chance of any of us learning how to do that?"

Jenny shook her head. "Those who aren't native to Xanth can't obtain magic talents, and I see no way a Mundane can become a demon. Ok, I take the first part back. A few years ago a girl from Mundania was brought from her home to Xanth and won a game which the prize was a magic talent." Then she thought for a moment. "Then again…a night mare may be able to grant such a wish. I'm not sure. I never claimed to know everything after all."

So back and forth they went, trying to find Mentia but with no success. Sammy just couldn't get to her location fast enough before she popped off again.

Completely exhausted Jenny told Sammy to call off the search and they all plopped down next to a crystal clear river.

"How many of you, besides me feel as though you've walked off every ounce of fat on your body?" Brody asked, plopping across Lucus's lap after Lucus plopped across Luke who plopped against a tree. Most everyone said 'aye'.

"Good golly I'm thirsty." Chanty said. He had gotten quite a cottonmouth from the hike. "Is this river water safe?"

"Should be." Jenny panted.

Satisfied The Dawn went to the waterside.

"So what's our next course of action?" Al asked. "This jumping around across the land seems to be taking a heavy toll on all of you and it's getting us nowhere."

"Does she have a home or something? A friend's house she visits frequently? I'd sooner wait somewhere than run around aimlessly-" Ed began.

"OH NO!" Jenny exclaimed in a panic. "Chanty! Don't drink that!!!"

But it was too late. He'd taken his third swallow by the time Jenny remembered why you shouldn't drink from the Kiss Mee River.

Chanty looked at the water in his cupped hands. He'd just taken a small sip of river water so why was he feeling…desire? _Romantic_ desire. But who to get it from that would stop this bizarre yet wonderful fuzzy feeling? He turned around and scanned the group. His eyes stuck on Annie and he shot her a charming smile.

"Oh no. This is bad." Jenny said, hands over her mouth, horrified.

"Hey babe." He said in the suave-est voice he could He sat next to her and gazed at her, his eyes full of attractive charm. Annie was taken aback by his sudden sweetness of his attitude she forgot Jenny's warning. Before she could ask why the sudden look of love he kissed her full in the mouth! After he pulled away Annie felt quite dazed, she couldn't even hear what Jenny was saying to the others.

Enjoying the feeling of his kiss she allowed Chanticleer to kiss her again. This time she tilted her head back a little to make it easier and he held her close. Just then…wait a minute. Those kisses were becoming a bit too heated up for a couple that was supposed to be just dating. But what really got Annie's attention was how Chanty's hand was working its way south. Fed up with is bad boy attitude she…

**SLAP!**

…let him know how she felt about it.

The strong tingling sensation was enough to zap away the effects of the Kiss Mee river water and Chanticleer looked quite stunned and confused.

"What just happened?" he asked slowly.

"You were this close to being a pervert that's what!" Annie snapped.

"It's not his fault." Jenny said. "It's all apart of the effects of the Kiss Mee River. Those who drink from it, that of course those who aren't used to it, will become exceptionally kissing friendly. At certain times of the year, like now, those who partake of the fresh water become quite fresh."

Chanticleer's face lost all color after he realized what the water must have made him do/try to do.

* * *

Chibi me – That was more of a fluff chapter than anything. 

Me- yeah I know, but I wanted to have some fun with the Kiss Mee River.

Chibi me – (rolls eyes)

Me – Next on the agenda, Jenny motions that the group splits up. Not wanting to burden everyone she goes to find someone who can locate Mentia on her own why the rest of the party is left to explore Xanth.


	7. Chapter 7

* * *

"Now that _that's_ out of our system!" Annie said irritably, she knew Chanty's reaction to the Kiss Mee River wasn't deliberate but she acted cross just because she could. 

"I'm really sorry that I hadn't remembered sooner what that water does." Jenny apologized.

"No worries." Luke said.

"None of us can carry a grudge too long." Lucus agreed.

"So lets go." Edward said. "OK cat, find Mentia."

Sammy responded immediately and took off. Nobody could even think fast enough to go after him before Sammy stopped, looked around and kept going in the other direction.

"There is no way we can do this if this lady wont stop moving." Brody whined and motioned to his brother that he wanted to be carried. "I'm tired and this seems pointless."

"You want to get back home don't you?"

"Geesh Einon I hadn't thought of _that_."

"I think it be best if I went on alone."

Everyone stared at Jenny, even Sammy.

"Alone! You're ditching us!?"

"No just lis-"

"How can we get through this place on our own!?"

"Excuse me!"

The hysterical ones shut up.

"I can think of someone who can assist us in finding Mentia but he's a type of elf. All Elvin kind are friendly but Himns Elf is a rather stuck up person and may be more willing to give assistance to one of his own kind then a group of tall Mundane humans. After Mentia joins me Sammy will lead me to you and we'll find Arnolde in the Region of Madness and get you home."

"That sounds like a plan but one problem." Ed commented. "We have no idea where we're going and what if we run into trouble?"

"I told you." Jenny said. "You can go wherever you like and Sammy will find you later. As for trouble, most Xanth folk are always willing to give a helping hand so that's no problem. As for some of the creatures…they tend to be more temperamental. Most things may be curious but wont bother you, others back down easily but I highly recommend avoiding dragons altogether."

"THIS PLACE HAS DRAGONS?!" Brody and the twins shouted together in wonder and awe.

"Yes but the only really friendly ones are the Steamers in the Gap Chasm. Other's you'd just be better to stay away from."

Jenny spent a few more minutes of explaining (for lack of better term) Xanth survival tips. Praying that they'd be able to remember it all and know what to do if something turned up the friends waved her off as she followed Sammy.

"I'll just hope while we wander an unexpected turn doesn't lead us back to the Region of Madness." Annie said.

Chanticleer rolled his eyes, recalling the memory. "I feel bad as it is that we have to go back there at all." he wrapped his arms across her neck and snuggled his head close to hers. "So am I forgiven?"

Annie didn't want to but his voice made her smile, it was probably because she could feel that he was smiling as well. "Sure," She said, turning around and hugging him back. "But only if you promise not to do it again."

"I don't know." The Dawn said playfully. "If I'm going to get such good rewards for being forgiven I may make the same mistake again."

She let out an appalled gasp but they both knew it was all in fun.

"Will you two lovebirds go find a tree already?"

"EINON!!!" Even for the twins that statement was a step above appropriate.

"What?"

Brody cringed a little. Even though it was rare and usually meant in fun, phrases like the one Einon made caused a few goose bumps. There was nothing wrong with having desire for the one you love but it was a sign of his idolized (yet goof off) big brother was doing something Brody hoped wouldn't happen…. grow up. Sure Chanticleer's values were straight so you'd never catch him and Annie so much as being in the others sleeping space but the relationship the two had developed made it a suspicion that _the question_ wasn't too far of from being popped. Sure marriage is a wonderful thing but what about after that? It may have been childish but Brody thought of himself as too young to be an uncle.

The innuendos stopped and now that they had nowhere in particular to go the hike through Xanth was actually quite fun. A swarm of wing nuts was the first interesting thing they came across. The swarm dived at them and pulled out at the last second, they were just curious as to what they were. Annie giggled. The wing nuts were nothing more than walnuts and acorns with little buzzing wings.

A two little men sat on a large tree stump and tilted their hats as the outsiders walked by. One had a saxophone, or something that looked a lot like one, and the other had been singing.

"That's some talent." Lucus commented. "What other music do you play?"

"We play the blues." The vocalist said. "And a variety of other colors."

Nobody understood how that was possible but they politely smiled and went on.

* * *

Chibi me – when are you going to get on with the main problem of the story? 

Me- shoosh.

Chibi me – don't you _shoosh_ me!

Me- I'll shoosh you all I like. Xanth has all sorts of surprises and wonders to offer and now are friends are going to discover a few more of them.


	8. Chapter 8

* * *

After another day had passed, the friends stretched and spent twenty or so minutes watching the sunrise from the grassy hills where they had set camp. Of course they all knew it was time to get some food judging by how Ed's stomach could be heard over everyone else's.

"Think we can find another pie grove?"

"Sorry Ed I can't hear you. There's a ticked off rabid bear in the vicinity and I can't hear you over it's roaring. Could you repeat the question, only louder?" Chanty yelled just to be a pain.

"Shut up you, I know you can hear me."

"What?"

"I said…oh funny."

The parade marched on with no success of finding any pie trees so the eggplants they found would have to suffice for breakfast. After Brody and the twins gathered wood Einon lit the fire, since he discovered sapp-fires could catch on to whatever you wanted them to in a lovely blue flame. Al transmuted several large stones into one large one to serve as a makeshift skillet and put it over the fire. One by one Annie cracked the eggplants onto the stone and the whites (which were actually purple) bubbled and turned red.

So scrambled eggs it was. The eggplants themselves were the size of ostrich eggs but it still took four of them to satisfy the group. Mainly because Ed wolfed down two on his own and Chanty had to make quick use of the Heimlich maneuver on more than one occasion because of it.

"You'd better slow it down or next time I'm going to let you choke." The Dawn said annoyed at The Fullmetal's gluttonous habits. "_**I'd**_ like to get done eating."

"You can't blame him." Brody said with his mouth slightly full. He too was a little irritated with Ed inhaling his breakfast. "It's not his fault there's a black hole at the bottom of his stomach."

Al turned his eyes skyward. _Sometimes I've wondered the same thing. I know for a fact mother taught better table manners than that_.

But eating so much so fast only made him thirsty. Sure it did everyone else but Ed felt like he had a desert for a tongue. Then again it was no one else's fault but his own so nobody showed him much (if any) sympathy.

"Water, (pant) liquid, (pant) SOMETHING!!"

"It's your own fault you used most of your body's water supply by using all that energy to eat." Al reminded.

"Yes, I am just now discovering this! Does anyone have anything to drink! I'll take anything except milk!"

A bright light flashed to his left. Einon had a giant light bulb above his head!

"Um…" Luke said in wonder.

"I think he's had a good idea." Brody finished.

The light went out and the bulb disappeared as Einon got into his pocket, trying to find a particular jewel. Once found he examined it and mumbled something before putting it to his lips and gently began sucking on it like an infant would their thumb. Instantly his eyes lit up.

"What did you find?" Asked Annie.

"He's sucking on a rock like a pacifier, that says to _me_ something's wrong. I believe the only thing we need to find is a physiatrist." Lucus said with a raised eyebrow but in a tone that said he was serious.

"He's drinking something."

"Yeah, I'm sure stones are just packed with healthy minerals." Lucus was sure Einon had gone off the deep end.

"It's Milky Quartz!" Einon exclaimed with a big grin. "You get _quarts_ of milk from it! And oh boy, this stuff would put to shame any cow."

"Give me that." Lucus repented in a heartbeat now it was certain there was a source behind the stupidity. He snatched the stone, wiped it off in his shirt before testing it himself and then refusing to give it back.

It took a bit of coaxing for Einon to say the right thing so everyone could have a milky quartz to drink from (excluding Ed but you can't really change a personal choice someone is so devoted to can you?) and they all agreed it was the best. So Edward Elric the Fullmetal Alchemist was left to feel like he'd dry up and dissolve because of his hatred toward moo juice

* * *

**Noon  
**

* * *

"No pies, no eggplants, no shade…no nothing and it's lunchtime!" Brody whined. "Brother, carry me. I feel faint."

"You're fine so quite complaining. _Him_ on the other hand I'm begging to worry about." Chanticleer was referring to Ed. The lack of water seemed to be drying him out like a worm on a hot sidewalk.

Einon's light bulb blinked brightly again and said "Olivine" over and over until one popped out.

"Here, try that."

"What's that gonna do?" Ed asked as clear as he could with a mouth of sandpaper.

"_Olive_-ine. Wouldn't surprise me if you can get olive juice from it. Probably won't taste that great but it should quench…"

Ed drained every last drop from the poor stone.

"…your thirst."

"It isn't that bad, you got more?"

The outlook on lunch was growing considerably dimmer. Nothing looked fit to eat and if it wasn't a pie they weren't sure if it was safe.

"I hope Jenny finds us soon because I'm about to starve." The twins collapsed on one another in an over dramatic way of saying all hope was lost.

"Need a bit of assistance?" asked a voice.

"Who said that?" Al asked looking around but finding no one.

"I did." A patch on a slope of sand began to move and an elegantly dressed man made of sand stepped out of the dune. "Hello, travelers. My name is Sandy Sandman, may I help you in some way?"

"Oh yes." Annie exclaimed, saying silent praises that someone was around to help. "We're not from Xanth, we're Mundanes and we have no idea how we got here so nobody had time to pack a picnic. We've had nothing since breakfast and that was worn off pretty quick so our stomachs are letting us know how they feel about it. Can you help us please!"

"Of course I can young lady." Sandy tipped his hat to her. "Let's ask the ants and see if they know where to find a pie grove or something similar. I would offer you a _sand_-wich but no one ever appears to like them but me."

"How would ants know where to find food?" Einon asked puzzled.

"How should I know? All I know is that they're very dependable creatures."

So they spread out across the dune on a search for any ants. It didn't take long, the ants pretty much came to them. A large ant with an army cap and green and brown striped legs marched in front of a dozen or so smaller ones.

"Company **HALT**! What are you doing here shortstop!" it snapped at Ed, even though it wasn't even knee height. "I'm the Sarge and I give the orders around here so beat it! You're interfering with our march!"

"Hello Sarge-ant." Sandy said tipping his hat again.

"Mornin' Sandy. Say, would you mind telling butterscotch here to move it?"

"Actually Sarge, he and his companions are in need of aid and as far as I can see you may be the only one who can help them, sir."

"Well why didn't you say so in the first place? Sure I can help you out." The Sarge looked at Ed. "So what do ya need?"

"My friends and I are from Mundania and aren't sure where you can get a decent meal around here and our stomachs are for the most part eating themselves, uh, sir." The Fullmetal explained. At that time the others wondered whom Ed and Sandy were talking to so they went over to check things out.

"I'm sure I've got someone in my ranks who can help you out." The Sarge-and turned around to his line up. "The Ant-onym won't do you any good. He'll just say the opposite of whatever you do. The Ench-ant won't work either. She'll just enchant you if you let her, no use going on a quest while you're enchanted. The Brilli-ant doesn't talk to anyone whom it deems dim, who is most everyone except itself. Since you're Mundane there's a slim chance it will speak to you. The one you need is either the Reli-ant or the Assist-ant."

"Permission to speak, Sarge!" A voice announced from the back row.

"Permission granted, soldier."

"I, the Assist-ant wish to accompany the travelers with your permission, SIR!"

"Permission granted, solder. Report back at dusk, _DIS_MISSED!"

The Assist-ant waddled happily from the formation, clearly very proud of itself. "Come on, follow me!"

"Thank you for your time, sir." Annie said.

The Sarge took off his hat and bowed to her. "Any friend of Sandy's is a friend of mine." He put his cap back on and returned to his place at the front of the line. "FORWARD, _**MARCH**_!"

The friends saluted the ants as they continued their march across the dune.

* * *

Chibi me – Ed gets called 'butterscotch' by an ant?! Funny. Hey, what are you doing?

Me – I'm fixing up my rabbit hutches so Domino is nice and cozy when she has her babies!

Chibi me – DOMINO IS GONNA BE A MOM!?!?! Why wasn't I informed of this!

Me – Because I knew I'd never hear the end of it if I'd told you. Besides, once they're born you'll be bugging me day and night if you can see/hold them. Not only that you'd be throwing a hissy fit every time I do something that you think you could do better for the welfare of the kits.

Chibi me – Humph! Just do the preview.

Me – The Assist-ant leads our friends to a food source but it's only _after_ their tummies are full does the trouble start. That's right, I said trouble.


	9. Chapter 9

PLEASE! If you like what you're reading leave a review! For all i know i've only got 2 readers, even if i do i really like to hear from people if they like what i give.

* * *

"I hope you (pant) know where you're (pant) going." Edward (obviously) panted.

"Of course I know where I'm going. I am here to assist you and I cant go against what I've been asked to do when someone needs me." The ant said politely. "I am really glad I was allowed on this mission. Sometimes the Sarge's marches can be really tough, especially if he's in a bad mood."

"You mean you're bound to assist someone until you have fulfilled your duty? Like a curse?" Al asked.

"I wouldn't say 'curse', that makes it sound like it's a bad thing. I really enjoy helping people." The Assist-ant said. "Besides, I think we're almost there."

"I hope so." Chanticleer said. "Somebody must have put in a pinch of 'complaint' in his eggs this morning." He turned to Ed. "We know you're hungry and thirsty but so are the rest of us so just shut up."

"Where exactly are you taking us?" Einon asked.

"To a salmon stream. Well, it may not be _salmon_; it's more of a powder pink color but I'm sure that you can fish out a few interesting morsels. I've passed it a few times while on marches. But here's my advice, if it wriggles and looks at you long after you think you've killed it, throw it back!"

It didn't take more than forty minutes to arrive at their destination. Sure enough the water was a pale shade of pink. Now that his duty was fulfilled the Assist-ant waved good-bye and went back the other way to meet up with the other ants.

"Before we go fishing…" Ed grabbed a large branch and transmuted it into a bucket. He leapt to the waters edge, filled the bucket then dumped the contents over his head. After this action was done he stood as though petrified.

"Brother, you ok?"

"Oww." The Fullmetal said in hardly more than a squeak.

"Must've been hard water." Luke commented.

So now Edward was out of commission with a huge headache. Al stayed out of the water for fear of filling up and rusting. Annie brought Ed over to a patch of squishy toadstools to serve as a cozy pillow. The second he laid his head down it croaked.

"That makes sense." Lucus grinned. "Toadstools croak when you sit on them."

While Chanty, Einon and Brody caught dinner, Annie and Al made preparations for a fire while the twins played with the toadstools. In no time at all they were playing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star because each toadstool had a different croak.

"This is awesome, we need to start a band or something."

"What you need to do is stop that. I've got a headache." Edward moaned.

"No, what they need to do is help us get dinner or else they won't be eating." Chanticleer warned. That got their act together. The threat of no food was one they knew Chanty wasn't kidding about because that was their greatest weakness when a hungry stomach was only minutes away from being satisfied.

The fish in the stream ended up being lox, big ones too. Being a lox their scales were shaped like keyholes but they couldn't be cut open. A sharpened rock, a spear, not even Ed's arm once transmuted could make the dead fish give up its tender meat.

Of course it took a woman's thinking to get them out of this mess. Annie remembered the keys she'd picked from the key lime pies that were still in her pockets. It took a minute to find the right one (each fish accepted a different key) but once the right one was inserted into a scale the dead body relaxed and it was able to be cut.

Chanty grabbed and kissed her. "What would I do without you?"

"Starve."

He shrugged. "Probably."

With the sapp-fire the fish was cooked but Einon had another idea. It was agreed the meal tasted a lot better when it was smoked over a large slab of smoky topaz. Brody discovered a milkweed plant from which Lady and Gentlemen bugs were serving guests milk and cookies.

"Excuse me sir." He asked the Gentlemen bug. "What exactly are you eating?"

"I am sharing my wife's wonderful cookies and tarts to our guests, accompanied by the milk of this chocolate milkweed plant we're on, young man."

"It's chocolate?"

"Indeed."

"May I have some please?"

"Help yourself." He gestured to a large seedpod. The second Brody plucked it from the stalk a brown liquid started oozing from the stem. He gave it a sniff, sure enough it was chocolate.

This riverside proved to be quite plentiful. It was a shame they couldn't have given the Assist-ant a more proper thank you for bringing them to such a rich place. Breadfruit plants grew in thick clumps near the waters edge. Once the loaf was plucked it automatically fell into even slices. Al caught a butterfly and after he took its butter it transformed into a housefly that slammed its doors and windows angrily before flying away.

The fruits from a mock orange tree wouldn't stop making rude jokes until you peeled them but were unbelievably juicy. The party had to wonder what a palm tree was doing next to a riverbed but didn't give it much thought. The only problem was its palms took every chance they could to slap you when you went to grab the coconuts. Annie hoped the name _coco_nut meant it was made out of chocolate. So, being the heroic boyfriend Chanty braved the palms to get her one. Sure enough it was a dark coco shell with a heavenly creamy center. The way her eyes lit up you'd have thought he'd given her a diamond ring, in fact she was so tickled she probably could've proposed herself.

"I could really get used to this kind of living." Einon said, laying a hand on his very satisfied stomach. "Are you sure we need to go back?"

"Regrettably yes." Lucus said. "Maybe we can take some of these things with us and see if they'll grow."

"I like that idea." Luke said with his mouth full of orange.

"I don't." Edward said, his headache gone now.

"And why not!" Einon asked.

"Taking something from one world to another just seems irresponsible to me. We don't know if it will even grow, if our climate will do something to it that's harmful to us…"

"Like what? Have breadfruit grow so uncontrollably that no one in the country will go without food?"

"That would be a plus but what about the mock oranges? You wouldn't consider it to be a quiet farm in the country if the fruits were mutated to scream nasty things and grow like weeds in a garden."

Ed and the twins had a big discussion about whether or not items from Xanth should be taken back to their world or not. It didn't really matter because no one else cared.

So finally it was time for bed. A bunch of decorative carpets hung from trees a ways from camp so Ed, Al and Einon went to get enough for everyone to sleep on. They took the softest ones they could find and left the ones that felt like they were sewn with straw. Using the toadstools as pillows everyone took a rug and snuggled in for the night.

Or at least they tried.

"WHOOoooo!"

Not even a minute after they lay down on the carpets they were tossed a great distance. Brody and Lucus ended up in the river.

"What the heck just happened?!" Annie cried rubbing the shoulder she landed on.

Not to the great surprise of anyone Luke started laughing.

"They were _throw_ rugs!"

* * *

Chibi me – So you said there's going to be trouble….what's going to happen?

Me- (stunned)

Chibi me – Hello?

Me – Domino had her babies!!!!

Chibi me – SERIOUSLY!?!?!

Me – There's five!

Chibi me – FIVE!!!!

Me – I think I'm keeping the little black one, the rest are black and white and one is white and gray. THEY'RE SO TINY! And they squeak like kittens.

Chibi me - I'm going outside to look! (zips outdoors)

Me - HEY! Wait for me!


	10. Chapter 10

* * *

"_Einon! EINON!!"_

_Who's that calling me? What's happening? Wait…why can't I breathe!_

The last Einon knew he was singing with Chanticleer and the Day Breakers when he began to choke and everything went all blurry after that. People were yelling his name and panicking while screaming how pale he looked and that he was choking while calling for help. What was going on!? He was asleep next to a riverbank in a bizarre land so how could he be choking on one of his own jewels on a stage back home?

With a yelp of panic Einon's eyes snapped open and he sat up, covered in sweat. Immediately his hands went to his throat and he checked his breathing.

_Nothing lodged in my throat, breathing's normal…phew. Guess it was just a bad dream._

"Are you all right?" it was Al.

"Yeah," Einon panted. "Just a dream that's all." He looked around to see if his yelp had woken anyone. By the looks of it-it didn't. Hey, wait…

He had to squint but it looked as though most of his sleeping friends were shifting abnormally in their sleep. Einon knew that when you have a nightmare you tend to toss and turn but could _everyone_ have a bad dream at the same time?

"Einon?"

"Yeah, Al?"

"What's that?" Alphonse squeaked.

Standing just beyond the perimeter of where the friends were asleep was a monstrous black horse. This was so black it made the surroundings look a shade lighter.

"It's a horse." Einon whispered.

"If that's all I guess everything is ok."

"But what is it doing here? If it's wild why get so close to people? If Lame was here I'd understand but…"

"I beg your pardon but you can see me?" The horse spoke!

"Um…are we not supposed to?" Al asked.

"I'm a Night Mare. I deliver dreams and normally I can't be seen while on duty."

"Is that why I dreamt I was choking?" Einon asked, pretty sure he already knew the answer.

"Yes. I do apologize for that but it is my job. But you two must be pretty powerful if you are able to see a Night Mare."

"We're Mundane." Al explained.

"Really? I don't see how that would help you to see me. Sometimes even great wizards can't see Night Mares while on duty so how is it possible for Mundanes?" The Mare thought for a moment. "You know…you must be awfully special if you can see a Night mare with no magic. Would you by any chance like to obtain a magic talent?"

"Seriously!?!?" The friends exclaimed together. Loud enough in fact it woke Chanty and the twins. The Dawn ran his fingers across his forehead and through his hair.

"Tied to a bloody tree stump by a psychotic old farmer with a bloodstained axe it was _just_ awful." He muttered. Luke and Lucus were also muttering about their dreams, after looking at each other to make sure they weren't _still_ dreaming. Apparently each dream included the other.

"I nearly killed you."

"Yes you _did_ try to kill me."

"Were we sharing the same dream?"

"Wouldn't surprise me. Being twins we can pick up on each others vibes."

"You picked up my vibe!?" Luke said seriously. "Give it back!" he lunged at his brother and the pair rolled over Edward.

"**WILL YOU TWO SHOW SOME RESPECT FOR PEOPLE SLEEPING**!!!!"

"What's that?"

The twins stopped tumbling and gazed at the magnificent black horse they hadn't noticed until then.

"Where'd the horse come from?"

"She says she can give us magic!!!!" Al exclaimed happily as though Ed had allowed him to keep a kitty.

"You're not serious!" Luke shouted.

"It's a _she_?"

"You can see her too, brother?" Al was still giddy. "She says we're special for being able to see her so now she says…."

"Yeah I heard that part." Ed looked the mare over with a skeptical eye. "You can talk and grant magic?"

"Yes I can Edward Elric." The mare said.

"You know my name?"

"I could see a few things in your mind when I delivered your dream, including your name and that you don't believe in magic."

Ed could feel himself cringe. He couldn't give up everything he believed in, the laws of equivalent exchange, the science of alchemy and believing if it can't be explained by science it can't exist. This place was completely shattering the last point. Though he'd never be able to swallow the pill of pride that had written on it, you-know-you'll-never-be-able-to-ever-explain-this-and-neither-will-anyone-else. But how else could you explain insulting oranges and pies growing off trees?

"Any preferences as to what kind of talent you would like?" the Mare asked.

_Sweet._ Lucus thought. _She's giving us magic just by being obviously special!_

"The only catch is that no two talents can be the same so if it's already taken you can't have it."

_That may complicate things._

It took a while for the friends to even think of what would be original, useful, and suited them. The twins knew what they wanted immediately. They'd thought the idea of going from point A to point B just by thinking about it so that's what they asked for. Of course that would be two talents exactly the same so the request had to be changed.

"What if," the Night Mare suggested. "You," She turned to Lucus. "Could transport yourself and/or any_one_ you touch to any place instantly, and you," she turned to Luke. "Could transport yourself and/or any_thing_ any place instantly?"

Their eyes lit up and they hastily agreed.

"Enjoy your talent then."

"That was it?"

"No magic word or bright sparkling lights?"

"No. That was it. Try it."

They looked at each other. "How?"

"Just think of where you want to go."

The brothers thought for a moment. Luke grabbed one of the breadfruits from the night before and…poof. It was gone. Lucus looked skyward then…poof. He was gone.

If the eyes of all watchers weren't little dots with shock they were the size of dinner plates with amazement. Not sure why, Al glance down beside him, there was the breadfruit.

"Hey!"

Lucus waved at them from the other side of the river, his face alight like a kid at Christmas. They blinked and he was gone, popped back over to the other side of the river. You could almost see him trembling with excitement. Still wanting to try out his new talent he grabbed Annie by the wrist and the two of them disappeared and reappeared ten feet from where they began. Luke was doing similar things to every loose object he could get his hands on.

For a horse you could see the Night Mare was smiling. "I'm glad you're enjoying your talents."

"Oh you have no idea." Lucus said, popping to her side. "I really don't know what to say because I know that a million 'thank you's' wouldn't express…"

"Just how glad we are." Luke finished.

The distributing of talents took a bit of thinking but eventually everyone got one…including Edward. Testing them was awesome and after everyone was sure they had complete control of their new talent they vigorously thanked the Night Mare and waved her good-bye as she left to finished her rounds.

* * *

Chibi me – That's it?

Me – for this chapter yes.

Chibi me – Ok this is definitely takes the cake for cliffhangers. You just put real, solid magic in Fullmetal Alchemist and you don't even tell the readers what talents they get!?!

Me – no. Besides the chapter would be too long for my liking if I continued…That and I want to cuddle the bunnies again.


	11. Chapter 11

So testing talents was on the schedule from early that morning & the rest of the day. We already know what Luke and Lucus got so now you get to learn about everybody else. Everyone's talents for the most part fit the individual quite well.

Einon could now put his jewels to better use than just looking pretty. If the stone didn't have any special ability derived from its name he could give it one. Only catch was that once an ability had been chosen for a stone he couldn't change his mind later and maybe make it something more useful. Also no one could use the magic stones except him, unless of course he allowed it. That kept them from being misused.

Annie's talent was levitation on all things except the living. She sat on the waterside bringing all sorts of things too her just by wanting it to happen. That was all well and good until Edward wanted to eat and she kept pulling the breadfruit and oranges from him. After only a little bit of practice she was able to concentrate on more than one object at once and control their movements individually. Not only that the item in question could be of any size and any distance away.

Brody could change the form of an object, from inanimate to animate or vice versa. Simple things like stones or leaves were turning into little insects or animals left and right then changing back to their original forms.

"Hmmm." He mused, getting a really evil idea. "Hey, Luke."

"Wha-" the poor guy didn't know what hit him, next thing he knew he was a small pewter hummingbird. A bit freaked out Lucus picked up the little figure & looked at Brody with an expression of total disbelief. Then the pewter bird became a real one & buzzed around hysterically. Ed shuddered. Hummingbirds didn't bring back good memories.

"What do you think you're doing!?" Lucus yelled. "Turn my brother back!!!"

The bird became a leaf & the leaf became human. Luke stood up and was shaking so violently it looked like he was going through a DT. "T-That was r-really weird!!"

"Why couldn't you just turn him from bird to human?"

"I can only turn things animate to inanimate, or inanimate to animate, not animate to animate."

Satisfied, Lucus popped off to test his talent.

Chanticleer was granted the wish most people only dreamt of, flight. Even though it may sound a bit strange since he was part rooster he could instantly grow large wings at will. Wings large & magnificent enough to look as though they'd been taken straight off the back of an angel. The feathers matched the shimmering green of his tail and flashed beautifully in the noonday sun. Another great point about his talent was that he could make them disappear at will and still be able to grow them back later. There was only one problem. Since he wasn't a baby sparrow or bluebird he didn't have anybody to teach him how to use this new miracle. The only way to learn was by trial and error and let me tell you…a LOT of errors were made. The biggest error of the day was when he didn't understand the importance of knowing what to do when faced with an up or downdraft, screwed up and ended up in the river.

Ed got a big kick out of that but got an even bigger kick (slang term, he didn't actually get kicked) a little later. Really sweaty from the heat of the day Einon and the twins took off their shirts and played rough wrestle games along with extreme tag, where the idea was to sprint. The rough housing caught on like wildfire with the rest of the boys in no time at all. (along with the taking off of shirts ///// )

Annie sat on a stone near the water with her feet gently caressed by the current while watching the men scuffle. She saw absolutely no purpose to a game where the idea was to run for all you're worth to avoid being pile-drived to the ground then laughing about it. Edward was the first to pull out. He wasn't sure just how good a river of sweat would be for his automail. It didn't take long for everyone to be a big sweaty mess and collapse on the riverbank. When Einon, the closest to him, decided to plop down, Ed put to cruel use of his talent. The second before Einon hit the ground a thin sheet of ice the size of an average blanket covered the sand. Needless to say Einon yelped like a puppy that had its tail stepped on and leapt up as though he'd be electrocuted. Only problem with pulling a joke like that is it's easy to tell who did it.

So the Fullmetal's talent was to create and control ice. You may ask, of all things, why ice? Well for one thing it's not bad if you needed to slow someone down, create a sheet beneath their feet and watch 'em slide! Hot days would never be a problem again either, take your glass of lemonade and instantly it's ice cold. So his talent could pretty much could be put to two uses, one in combat and the other for personal enjoyment. (now he would be able to pull a prank on the twins!)

And finally, Alphonse, his talent was to change the size of any object. Stones, sticks, any wandering insects found themselves either twice their size or no bigger than a small pebble. Once again this talent had good uses besides just being fun. All the food that had been collected could be taken with them on their journey in a matchbox then taken out and enlarged to a feast later. If you find yourself unable to get through a narrow passage…just make yourself smaller. Or transform your enemies hobbit size and see their reaction to being three feet tall then send them to the authorities in birdcages.

As was mentioned earlier the boys had gotten exceptionally sweaty during their rough housing, this was caused by a half dozen sweat bees that had landed on them, causing an excessive amount of perspiration. After the boys were worn out and the bees had moved on the sweat had begun to dry and get sticky. Annie had to apologize before she moved upwind, the scent of a group of sweaty men was overwhelming and she wanted to have no part of it. Too bad the boys were having the same problem but is it possible to get upwind of yourself?

So it was decided they'd rinse in the river. Einon started to take his shoes off & Annie scurried for the trees, knowing what was going to come off next. They were grateful for her hiding, they last thing they wanted was for a female friend to see their bodies in nothing but skin. Al sat with her since he couldn't get sweaty so there was no need to rinse.

"Oh brrr! This is cold!!"

"Big deal, get in."

Chanticleer pushed Edward into the pink stream before jumping in himself. "Oh. I guess this is a little chilly."

"A LITTLE!"

"Well at least I'm not a baby like you."

"I _DARE_ you to say that again."

"And what'cha gonna do if I do? Drown me?"

"Don't tempt me."

The cool water felt quite refreshing once they all got used to it. Probably because they had all gone numb. The stream was quite deep near the center so the rinse ended up a swim…a very long swim.

"Ain't you guys done yet?"

"Sorry, Ann. We're kinda having fun." Chanty called from the stream.

"OH DEAR GOD!" It was Lucus. "LUKE! DON'T STAND UP!"

Luke didn't realize his waist level was higher than water level when he stood up. Needless to say he ducked down pretty quick and went about as pink as the river. "Well, uh, um…it's, um, it's not like you and I aren't all that different." He stuttered, embarrassed.

"Believe me, that's one part of the two of us I'd rather not know if it looks alike."

"I'm glad I didn't see anything." Chanticleer said. "If I did I'd probably be cursed to have that image burned in my retinas until the day I die." He saw Brody do a really funky body shiver. "I know what the male anatomy looks like I'd just rather not see it if it's not mine."

"Ya know that's a really out of place thing to say since we're all naked." Einon said.

"Yes but I'm not purposely looking and no one is purposely showing. I _**hope**_!"

"Why are we even talking about this?"

"Hey guys." Ed suddenly had a thought."

"Yeah?"

"How are we going to get out?"

Silence.

That was a good question. How were they going to get out? They had no towels so that method was scratched but what else could they do? Sitting in the sand naked to air dry wasn't exactly favorable.

Chanty chose to air-dry, only he decided on a less revealing method. He grew his wings, a marvelous feeling he'd never get tired of, wrapped them around his middle, walked out of the stream and sat on a rock.

"Hey, Al!" Ed called.

"What, brother?"

"How 'bout you let me stand in you until I dry?"

"Are you kidding!?! Do you know how awkward that would be?

"So is that a 'no'?"

"Yes that is a no!"

"So what are the rest of us going to do?" Luke began.

"Sit around wrapped in leaves?" Lucus finished.

"I know!" Einon announced, getting another light bulb above his head. "Brody can turn us into something small and inanimate, Chanty then dries us off with our clothes and Brody then changes us back." He looked at Brody. "Will you do it?"

"Sounds like it will work but how will I dry off then?" Brody asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Don't worry about that." The Dawn said. "After I dry I'll help you out."

"Thank you brother."

"That's what I'm here for."

* * *

Me – Five seems to be the lucky number this spring. Domino had five adorable kits and now Pearl has five kittens!

Chibi me – They're so cute! But so noisy! I never knew a cute kitty could have such a strong set of lungs.

Me – no kidding, the last time we had kittens you weren't even in existence yet.

Chibi me – So you said the group was going to run into trouble but so far nothing has happened. What'cha going to do?

Me – (Twiddles thumbs and looks at the sky) I ain't saying nothing.

* * *


	12. Chapter 12

Einon's idea proved to be a success. Brody turned everyone into lightweight wooden birds. Wings still wrapped around him Chanty put the figures on a warm stone to dry & extended a wing for Brody to huddle beneath. Then he had an idea that made him feel about as smart as a snail. He could have turned something like a fly into a towel instead of changing everyone inanimate. Well it was too late now. Not like it mattered any, it didn't take long at all for everyone to get dry.

"So how was the swim?" Annie asked once everyone had their clothes back on.

"A little chilly but fun."

"Is anyone hungry?" Luke asked. "Cause I sure am."

No one refused the offer, especially Ed since the topic had made its way around to food. For about an hour after the swim nothing really exciting happened. The group stayed by the riverbank just enjoying the peacefulness and watching the clouds. After that paradise was turned upside down.

"What's that?"

"What's what?"

"That rustling noise, like something's moving through the brush."

Before another question could be asked the group found themselves surrounded by six strangers wearing bizarre uniforms.

"Whoa, who are you?" Al exclaimed.

The one with the fancy-est uniform spoke up in a very business like manner.

"We're agents of the Better Business Bureau and all in your party excluding you and the lady are under arrest for violating the AC."

"WHAT!?!"

"Arrest?!"

"For violating the air conditioning?"

"EDWARD!"

* * *

Chibi me – You know they've got no air conditioning!

Ed- yeah but it was a funny outburst though.

Chibi me – Maybe for you.

Me – Ok, take no notice of the last two statements before Chibi decided to get technical.

* * *

"Yes," the headman said. "The six boys are under arrest for a violation of the Adult Conspiracy."

"The what?" Luke asked completely confused.

The man ignored him. "We have a witness that proclaims that six males one being a minor were seen in this salmon stream earlier today when the violation occurred. Since no one else is in the vicinity & you match the description it must be you and we are authorized to bring you in to be tried for the violation."

"You mean like (gulp) a trial?" Lucus asked, knowing this was NOT the time for jokes.

"That's what being 'tried' for something usually is." The head answered getting annoyed. "Now if you come with us peacefully it will not be necessary for us to use force."

"Fat chance!" The Fullmetal exclaimed. He clapped his hands and formed a weapon that looked as though he'd stolen it from the Grim Reaper. Al & Chanty were doing the same. As Edward took his weapon, which was covered in frost thanks to his talent, the "agents" from the Better Business whatever looked disappointed & reached inside their coat pockets, after that he knew no more.

* * *

Once the convicts (though they still had no idea what for) regained consciousness they found themselves in very roomy cell of stone. Al & Annie were nowhere to be found. The cell was completely magic proof and within those boundaries included alchemy. Ed & Chanty did their best to bust down the wall but to no avail. The twins tried to pop off but that didn't work either. They were stuck.

"What exactly did that guy say we were in trouble for?" Einon asked.

"A violation of somthin'" Luke answered but equally puzzled.

"Something about an 'Adult Conspiracy'. Or at least it had 'adult' in it." Brody said. Either way it didn't cast any light on to what that even was.

Later in the afternoon Al & Annie came by. They too knew nothing about this Adult Conspiracy or what their friends could have done to violate it & no one seemed interested in telling them.

"You guys try everything to get out?" Al asked.

"Yep. Neither alchemy or our talents are working." Ed told him.

"We managed to get wind that the trial date will be the day after tomorrow." Annie said. "I'm sure whatever they claim you did can be explained & you'll be out of here in no time." She added, but only half-heartedly.

Chanticleer reached through the bars & hugged her. "I'm praying the same thing." He whispered. But what if they actually _did_ commit some crime? What kind of punishments did this place have? (gulp) If they were convicted not only would he have to serve the sentence away from home but probably away from her. Not only that he didn't want to make her life dreary feeling like it was her duty to visit him if they were locked up because he was her boyfriend. There's no way he could convince her to find Arnolde Centaur & go back home without him either. The only option they seemed to have was endure sitting in the cell & do nothing but hope for the best for a day.

* * *

On the day of the trial the friends were escorted to the defendants box & looked around the massive room in awe of it's size, splendor and the people in it.

Several box seats had specific gold plaques on them labeled such things as "Jury" and "Witness." Oddly enough Jenny Elf was sitting in the box labeled Witness & looked as though she already knew what the outcome of this trial would be. She sat next to a few people they recognized who looked equally confused. A variety of creatures & people sat in the Jury box none of them had any specific expression that held any clues as to what this trial may be about & if there was any hope for the defendants. Al & Annie found seats so they could attend as spectators. If Al had fingernails he'd have bitten them all off and the trial hadn't even started yet.

A man with small horns sat in the Judge's box. He wore a suit that looked as though it had just taken off a corpse but someone put probably all their energy to make it look presentable only to fail. And his face! There wasn't a thing in existence to compare its ugliness to! Of course the group didn't voice this out loud though they were thinking it. They tried not to look directly at him either for fear their eyes would shrivel.

He adjusted a few things on his podium and glared over the hall. The six friends weren't the only ones who felt small under his stare.

"All rise" A handsome man called.

Everyone did.

The trial had begun.

* * *

Chibi me – You're not gonna do anything mean to the boys are you?

Me – I've actually, Oops! Cant tell ya.

Einon – I'm with Chibi, you don't plan on doing anything bad to us do you?

Me- I've already said that I'm not liberty to say. You'll just have to keep wondering whether you'll end up rotting in some dungeon or be set free.


	13. Chapter 13

"I know many of you have participated in a trial similar to this in the past & managed not to make utter fools of yourselves. So I hope I'm not overestimating this court when I say I expect that all of you, old & new to concentrate hard enough & try to make this trial run smoothly as well as not making complete disgraces of yourselves." The hideous judge spoke in a voice that seemed to make the hall shudder. "Do we have the Prosecuting and Defense Attorneys present?"

_We have a Defense Attorney?_ Brody thought amazed then felt stupid. No court system could be that messed up as to not even give the defendants a chance. But why not give them a chance to meet their Attorney before this? It may have improved their chances for whatever this trial was about.

A man & a woman stepped forward. "Yes, Your Honor." They said together.

"Have you prepared your cases then?" The Judge asked.

"Yes, Your Honor."

"Be seated." The Judge asked if several other highlighted people were present then told them to be seated. "The eighteen Prospective Jurors?"

"Here, Your Honor." The voices from the Jury box chorused.

The Judges face seemed to be fixed in a scowl even though everything was running accordingly. "Are the four Witnesses present?"

"Here, Your Honor." Jenny and the others said together.

The Judge nodded his approval. "This is to be the trial of Lucus, Luke, Einon, Edward, Brody & Chanticleer Mundane for Violation of the Adult Conspiracy."

A hushed gasp filled the room. To the defendants that was NOT a good sign.

"Now we shall impanel the Jury." The scowling judge said. He closed his eyes as though expecting this to take a while so he could get in a short nap.

Each one in the Jury box was brought forward & questioned until six were eliminated, two were alternatives & ten sat in to be the official Jury. Judging by the questioning the Jurors seemed to be a fair lot.

"Is the Prosecution ready?" The Judge asked.

"Yes, Your Honor." Said the man who's name was Grey Murphy.

"Proceed."

Grey took the floor. "The Prosecution will demonstrate that the Defendants," He gestured to the group so he didn't have to list all six of their names. The twins would have pulled a face at him if the Judge wasn't looking. "Violated the Adult Conspiracy by allowing what is considered 'interesting' show to a minor three days ago in a salmon stream."

This sent a puzzled murmur through the crowd. Men didn't show off what's under their britches to adult women let alone a minor so that possibility of violation was trashed. If they'd said an Adult Word why was the younger child being tried too? If he'd heard an inappropriate word he wouldn't be in the defendants box, he'd be testifying that he'd heard the word. Besides, a bad word isn't showing something that the Conspiracy would consider 'interesting'.

"Um," Luke waved his hand a little to try & get attention. Although he acted like an idiot he wasn't stupid…unless when it came to court systems. He'd have a better chance of getting to the moon by foot than figuring it out.

"Yes?" The woman, whose name was Ida asked kindly.

"Objection!" Grey told the Judge. "_She_ can not give permission to the defendant to speak."

"Sustained." The Judge said. "But we will proceed with the Witnesses before the defendants can have their say."

"But uh," he continued, but felt like he should have kept his mouth shut the second the words were out of his mouth.

"Fine." The Judge said, his stare made Luke's spine feel like jelly. "Since the defendant seems to be near bursting with anticipation to speak his mind now I suggest he be allowed to do so-so no interruptions are needed to clean it up."

Whether that statement was supposed to make him feel lower than a snake's navel under wagon wheel, it did. Now he felt like he'd give his left arm to take back what he said. "Well, I, uh, that is…"

"Are you deliberately trying to waste my time?"

Luke gulped then suddenly blurted.

"I fail to see how it's fair that we be up here without even knowing what we did. I also think it's irresponsible & unorganized that we be slapped in a court room without anyone having the courtesy to tell us what for & still expect the trial to run smoothly."

He said all this for two reasons. 1) When it came down to it he liked to speak his mind, & 2) Lucus had inched closer to him & crunched his toes with the heel of his foot. That was enough to zap the words from their hiding place in his toes to his mouth. Though it was a wonder Luke could be understood at all he spoke so darn fast.

Many in the audience weren't sure whether to classify Luke's outburst as stupidity or courage. Not many could say such a thing when the circumstances were so tight let alone to the intimidating Professor & Judge Demon Grossclout. Even the Judge himself couldn't help but feel a twinge of respect to the youth although at the same time he found the openness to the speech a little annoying. Grey spoke up.

"Unless you're going in desperation with the insanity plea there's no way you all can get by with making us believe that you're oblivious to the Adult Conspiracy & it's boundaries."

"That may not be true." Ida said. She turned to them. "_Do_ you have a reason for your lack of knowledge of the Adult Conspiracy?"

"We do." Chanty said. "But first can someone tell us _specifically_ what we did?"

Grey rolled his eyes. He clearly thought they were playing innocent to get sympathy. "Our report goes that you six went swimming in a salmon stream bare & a young girl-atee saw you while swimming by."

The boys went so pink they'd have blended in perfectly with the salmon stream. Edward wished the wall of the Defendants box was a few inches taller so he could hide his embarrassment.

"Your Honor," Ida said. "I'm sure you can see as well as any of us that, judging by the looks of the Defendants, letting themselves be seen at all, let alone to a minor is something none of them would intentionally do." A few people in the Jury box & nodded. There's no way anyone who knew they were guilty would go that pink. "And," She added. "I'm inclined to believe they honestly didn't know they were in violation of anything."

"Objection!" Grey said. "She's offering a conclusion!"

"Sustained." The Judge said.

"Although," Grey said. "I am interested in knowing just how they are unaware to the Adult Conspiracy." He glared at Einon, expecting him to answer.

"W-we're not from Xanth."

Another murmur went through the hall. The Judge banged his gavel to regain the silence. Again Ida spoke up at the right time.

"I believe that would be reason enough for anyone to believe these young men indeed had no awareness of the Adult Conspiracy & due to this saw no reason to be more careful about what part of the anatomy needs to be kept out of the eyes of minors."

"Ignorance is no excuse!" Grey snapped. "Besides how are we to know if they would be the good citizens you claim if they'd known of the Adult Conspiracy?!"

"I suggest we bring the witnesses forward & get their opinion before turning our attention back to the Defendants with the question of their goodness as citizens."

Ida had a look that made Brody think she had the case in the bag. Chanticleer on the other hand felt they'd already lost. To a degree Grey was right, ignorance _was_ no excuse. He heard little of what the Witnesses were saying due to his engrossment in his own thoughts. Even though they were Mundane & knew nothing about the government rules of Xanth they had still violated an important law whether they knew it at the time or not. No matter what was said in their favor they were still guilty of what they were accused of. That still didn't stop him from wondering what a girl-atee was.

Along with Witnesses comments that pointed they were a group of responsible teens Ida somehow managed to get files on things they'd done in their world that supported them being good people as well. She made mention of how Edward was the Fullmetal Alchemist & how even though he strived to his own goals he always made time to consider others. Which explained why he was called the alchemist for the people. Brody didn't have much on him being young & a minor but no one found this reason to think he didn't have a kind disposition. She told of how no matter how foolish the twins acted at times they had good hearts & would never back down when it came to those they love. She concluded with saying Einon & Chanticleer had brought two highly dangerous men to justice & in doing so prevented many future citizens from suffering or death.

All in all the Jury seemed to be ready to jump up & proclaim their innocence after that speech but Chanty still was skeptical. The Judge didn't show any emotion at all as he banged his gavel. "Are the attorneys finished with evidence & witnesses?"

"Yes, Your Honor."

"The Jury will now be sequestered for deliberations. This court is in recess."

When the Judge said court was in recess it appeared to be literal. Everyone got up; talked with others & the younger ones began playing games. Al & Annie went to their friends who were temporarily allowed to leave the Defendants box. Annie went immediately to Chanticleer & with an embrace that nearly winded him she kissed him with such ferocity you'dve thought she'd been drinking from the Kiss Mee river.

"Geesh," The twins said, looking at their dazed friend. "I think you've turned his brain into fuzz."

"That's in case ya'll are convicted & I never see you again." She gave them all hugs. "If you get off I'm giving him another one."

"I don't think his brain could take it." Einon said, trying to lighten the mood. "I don't think he's fully processed what you just did. When he does he might faint."

Ida came over to have a word with them but her encouraging words didn't kill the butterflies in their stomachs. Finally a woman appeared in front of the Judge, reporting the Jury had decided. The Judge called the room to order and all was quiet.

"Have you reached a Verdict?" The Judge asked though he looked bored.

"Yes, Your Honor." A man from the Jury said. "We find the Defendants, Lucus, Luke, Einon, Edward, Brody & Chanticleer Mundane…"

The court hall held its breath, along with of course the defendants themselves.

"…Guilty as charged."

A gasp snaked its way through the audience. Five defendants felt their stomachs drop to the floor along with their jaws. Chanty's didn't though. He'd suspected as much all along. But that didn't stop his stomach from tying itself into an even tighter knot.

The Judge nodded. "Lucus, Luke, Einon, Edward, Brody & Chanticleer Mundane, you have been found guilty of violation of the Adult Conspiracy to Keep Interesting Things from Children. Due to this violation I sentence you to ten years of service to the Good Magician & long after your sentence is over you must always be at the ready to assist the Good Magician whenever he feels necessary."

Edward was about to explode with protest. It didn't matter if he had the entire audience of the courtroom holding him back he was going to get to the Judge and give him a piece of his mind. The Judge picked up his gavel just before Ed was about to combust & with a loud bang against his podium everything went black.

* * *

Me – Phew! Get me a glass of water that took a lot of thinking. (pant) Well I'm finally through with it so I guess I can relax.

Everyone – HOW DARE YOU DO SUCH A CRUEL THING TO US!!!!!!!!!!

Luke – Even I didn't think you'd stoop _that_ low.

Edward – (almost on fire with anger)

Lucus – OF ALL WAYS TO END A BOOK! We don't even know what happened to us!

Me – That last statement makes me question your intelligence…

Lucus – What do you expect? You created me with that personality.

Me – True. And you all can relax this isn't quite the end of the story.

Everyone – So everything turns out all right?

Me – I never said that. Oh, by the way, a girl-atee is the daughter of a man-atee.


	14. Chapter 14

Edward Elric groggily opened his eyes after what felt like a **very** long siesta. He'd been sleeping on his back with his coat as a pillow, he yawned & stared at the ceiling. He screwed up his expression trying to remember the details of the dream he'd had.

_How foolish_. He thought. _Magic & demons & elves…this is why I hate dreams. _

Still wanting to go back to bed but knowing he shouldn't Edward closed his eyes & got out of bed…only to step in a puddle. Wait, puddle? He opened his eyes & looked down, sure enough was a collection of water on the floor. At first he thought a pipe had busted but then looked up. It was Al…releasing an excessive amount of sweat drops.

"Hey, Al. what's got you all worked up?"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'WHAT'S GOT YOU ALL WORKED UP'?!?!?!" Al exploded. "You were convicted of the Adult Conspiracy & sentenced but somehow were let off the hook, I was so worried!"

"Wow, you had the same dream I had? That's creepy."

"You think it was just a dream!?!"

"Yeah, what else could it be? Things like that can't really-" He stopped. Al didn't need sleep and therefore couldn't dream. "No way." He said, afraid what he'd dreamed about was indeed true. "There's no way that could –UMPH!"

Lucus appeared out of nowhere & landed on top of The Fullmetal. Al understood how that happened so he wasn't too surprised.

"You still have your talent!"

"Yeah." Lucus said clearly shaken.

"Wait a minute!" Ed jumped up and stared at his friend in a mixture of awe and…and…he wasn't sure if what he felt had a name. "It-it wasn't a dream?"

Lucus's expression showed how Ed felt when he shook his head. It was impossible but true; they'd gone to a land of magic & were able to keep their gifts.

"Do the others still have their talents?"

"You bet they do, Al. and they're about as freaked and bewildered as us."

Edward abruptly realized he couldn't move his right arm. He looked down & the reason became obvious. His entire arm had encased itself in ice due to his unsteady nerves. "What do the others think about this?"

"I'll show you." Lucus grabbed them both and before they could blink the three of them were in the kitchen of Yoyo Manor. The first thing that happened to Edward was he ran into a curtain of soft feathers that were Chanticleer's wings. Al freaked out some when the chair next to him became a squirrel before realizing it was Brody. After a minute of pinching each other to make sure they were not dreaming the idea they were the first humans with the power of magic eventually sunk in.

"We're going to have to eventually tell the others about our adventure & magic." Annie said.

"You're right." Chanty agreed with her. "Without the story of Xanth it's going to be a little hard to explain his." He pointed a thumb at his wings.

"But what about outside the family?" Brody asked, playing with the pillow he'd turned into a chameleon. "Should we only tell a select few? Or keep it completely secret unless someone happens to find out?"

The eight friends put their hands together in the center of their circle and made a promise. A promise to let only a select few aside from family members know about their adventure, their messed up yet fun adventure in the magical realm of Xanth.

* * *

Me – Zzzzzzzzzzz (Done with the story so I went to bed.) 

Chibi me – I guess if the story's done….what am I doing here? Oh wait! (looks on computer) There's one more chapter left! (evil grin) I guess I'll just have to see what she's planning.

OriginalCharacterFromAnotherStory – I'm sorry but I was specifically ordered to intervene if something like this were to happen. (scoots Chibi away and uploads the last chapter.)

Chibi – Hmph!


	15. Chapter 15

* * *

**Epilogue  
**

* * *

Demoness V(E/N)us shivered with fury at the demon X(A/N)th. Their bet of mundanes entering X(A/N)th's realm & sliding by the rule of the Adult Conspiracy hadn't gone in her favor at all. After her loss of a bet to demon E(A/R)th she'd hoped to regain her place by winning another bet against X(A/N)th. But she lost & was now in one of the bottom places on the demon hierarchy.

"And here I thought you would have learned that in my realm the Adult Conspiracy reigns supreme, it doesn't matter who you are. As I'm sure you recall from our bet involving Roxanne Roc."

"I couldn't care less if that stupid bird's name was 'mud.'" V(E/N)us fumed. "It was entirely obvious that bird was innocent, yet somehow you managed to bend the rules in your favor to win. I don't know how you did it this time but once I find out YOU will be the one at the bottom of the dog pile. In my opinion you're a cheat that's been at the top far too long."

X(A/N)th shrugged. Or at least he would have but demons of the universe had no set form so he couldn't have physically shrugged. "I know you only say what you do out of anger that you lost…again. If I recall you were the one who set all the boundaries for this bet so from the start everything was in your favor…oh wait. That would have only made it more humiliating once you lost." Though demons didn't have much for emotions he was feeling quite proud of himself.

V(E/N)us was beyond tired of losing every bet she'd ever placed with X(A/N)th. The only demon that even outranked X(A/N)th was the demon JU(P/I/T)er and it had taken X(A/N)th nearly three thousand years to rank second. It had taken her just about as long to fluctuate throughout the rankings only to end up one of the last.

"Fine then." V(E/N)us growled. "You've won this game but I promise you, X(A/N)th, I will one day beat you & take your place as one of the best demons. That's a promise."

With that she disappeared. X(A/N)th didn't think much of it. It was a fun game. He personally thought when Jenny elf entered & told the players a way to leave his realm that would be his downfall in the bet. He would have automatically lost if the players had gone back to their own world before they were tried for violation of the Adult Conspiracy. But it all worked out & they were found guilty. Once judge Demon Grossclout made that official, he'd won.

Once again X(A/N)th couldn't help but feel proud.

It had been a fun game.

* * *

Chibi me – This was all a game!? They were just prawns in some twisted bet?!?

Me- I think you mean 'pawn.' A prawn's a kind of shrimp.

Chibi me – WHO CARES!!!!!!

EmptyHeart – Chicken PotPie!

Me – Where'd you come from?

Chibi me – Tell her that's no way to end a book, having your own characters manipulated, it's disgraceful.

EmptyHeart – (reads chapter) **COOL**! (she reads Xanth novels too)

Chibi me – WHAT!?!?!

Me – HEY! Put those down!!! (tries to swipe the sticky notes with future ideas)

EmptyHeart – You're gonna write The Rising Dawn 4?!

Me- SHHHhhhh!

Chibi me – Oh wow, that's an unexpected twist!

Me- LEAVE MY STUFF ALONE!!! the public isn't supposed to know These things!!! (swats them both)

EmptyHeart- You'll include mis fory an ma mahgick?

Me – (Covers her mouth & closes preview window before they spill anymore secrets.)

P.S. The way you look at the names of demon Venus and Xanth aren't entirely correct according to the book series. It's supposed to be read, X multiplied by A divided by N to the TH power. I wasn't sure how to maneuver the 'us' & 'th' to their proper places.

P.S.S. If a few points don't make sense read the Xanth series for yourself by Piers Anthony. I highly recommend that you be +14 before reading, some of the content may be considered 'questionable' to parents.


End file.
